Wednesday, October 10, 2007

After The Breaking Point

About two weeks after the late night conversation with Apple Guy, I was back home for a weekend visit and met MBA Man and Photo Guy for dinner. I don’t think I will ever forget the date or location, just as I won’t forget the day or location of the conversation with Apple Guy. It was April 7, 2007 at TGI Friday’s—the same restaurant I’d had dinner at with MBA Man weeks after he’d come out to me in 2004.

I knew going into the evening that this was it. The time had come to tell them. I wasn't even especially nervous, it was just something that needed to be done.

Most of the dinner conversation was the usual banter. Toward the end though, I basically recounted what had happened at the conference. MBA Man turned to me, with a look of half smile, half surprise and asked “Are you trying to tell us something” and I think I said something like “Yes, I suppose I am”…

I don’t think I ever even had to use the word gay. I had imagined they probably sensed it anyway, which was confirmed by MBA Man stating he was only “kinda” surprised, and Photo Guy’s reaction, which was pretty much “You can come out with us when you move back!”

Of course they asked if anyone else knew, and if I was planning on telling my parents anytime soon. The answer was and is no.

They’ve been supportive as can be, as evidenced by more email excerpts between me and MBA Man:

From me:

“...I know I kind of dropped a bomb on you too. I can only imagine how [Apple Guy] must have felt. I hadn’t exactly planned on saying anything to him either, but we are close, I do trust him, and I wanted him to know why I don’t answer those questions…especially after he questioned me in the group and said he “didn’t think I was in touch with myself” I thought it was time he became aware that in fact I am trying to “get in touch” and figure out what I want in my life. As for you guys, I’ve wanted to say something for some time. But as you know it’s not something you just say randomly. Not that Saturday wasn’t a random time to do it…but it was time. And I knew you wouldn’t be totally shocked…we have known each other for too long and I figured you had no doubt picked up on the fact I don’t enjoy answering love life questions. And I doubt [Photo Guy] would have ever asked me if there were boys in my life if he didn’t think it was possible…and that was when he hardly knew me.

I’ve by no means reached a point in my life where I’m ready to discuss this with most people around me, or even say with 100 percent certainty that it’s who I am. However, I do know that I can’t deny the likelihood any longer…especially to friends like you who’ve gone through the self questioning.
You’ve always been great to me and I know you always will be. Thank you for that—I love you both...”

From MBA Man:

“…We both 100% know what you are going through. There is no need to feel like you to have to explain anything. We have both been through and know all too well. With all this being said, feel free to talk to either of us at anytime. You have got my # and I will talk whenever you need…”

It felt good to get it off my chest, and I was so thankful for the support of them both…and still am.