Happy Halloween--Updates

I've been in a bit of a blogging funk lately...just not much to say. But, the last couple of weeks have been pretty active in terms of my social life. I know..."B has a social life?"

More Coming Out:
Went to a going away happy hour for someone I worked with in student leadership for several years on the state level who resigned from his staff position. It turned into a long night that included my coming out to him, another staff member and a couple of alumni. The other staff person was actually on student gov't with me at my school and said she figured it all along. I'm finding it tends to slip when I have been drinking and start to vent about the various frustrations in my life.

Evening Out:
Went to the birthday dinner for the student worker in my former office Saturday night. Afterwords, I went and had coffee with one of the guys I have been chatting with online---I joined a couple of websites in an attempt to meet some guys in my area. He was a nice guy and I think there might be a possible friendship there.

Lunch:
Had lunch yesterday with another guy I have been communicating with over the same website. He too, was a nice, genuine guy and we had decent conversation. He did say he was open to hanging out again and I hope we can. I think the ball is in my court. Seemed like he was into being friends, and mentioned wanting to meet some of my friends, which I guess is a positive sign.

The "Date" Debate:
There has been some back and forth among other friends and I about whether meeting these guys constituted "first dates," particularly the meal with guy number two. I prefer to think of them as casual meetings of potential friends, since nothing more than a friendship is asked or expected. None of the parties involved are looking on this website expecting to find a romantic connection.

Readers: What do you think? Am I dating?

A Sad Reality Hits Home

This afternoon, a blogger friend of mine with whom I have become very close IMed me to tell me he had a story about an "incident" last night involving his two best friends. He said he'd fill me in later, when he was home and not messaging from his cell phone. Being that we talk daily, and often about these guys, who we refer to as The Twins, I thought I knew what to expect---The Twins sound like wonderful kids who've gotten themselves in some pretty interesting situations.

I was not prepared for what I heard. I was told that last night they arrived home from an evening out with Twin B's parents to discover their home and new vehicles had been vandalized...windows broken, tires slashed, and slurs scrawled in several places.

And that was not the worst of it. The neighborhood punks responsible for the vandalism were still around and attacked the two. They will recover, but both sustained injuries ranging from bruised ribs to a broken leg.

As my friend shared this with me, my heart sank. Until tonight, gay bashing was something I'd only seen on the news or in television shows. I've always known it was real, but it hadn't happened to anyone I knew--or if it had, I didn't know about it.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. It sickens me that these two people would be attacked on their own property, in a neighborhood where Twin B grew up, simply because they are a gay couple. It sounds like an episode of QAF, but it's not, it's reality.

And that's pretty damn fucked up.

Not Much to Say, But I'm Still Here

Reading Matt's most recent post made me think. Like him, I just have not had much to say on this blog in recent times. Actually, the post frequency on both my blogs has slowed quite a bit. But...I'm not giving it up, as I still find it enjoyable to sit down and write on occasion.

Not much exciting going on in my life. I'm in the middle of my third week of unemployment, which sucks, but I press on. What else can I do, right? Definitely not where I wanted or expected to be right now. Cross your fingers for me that something will come along soon. In the meantime, I have a couple of trips coming up...something to look forward to.

Spring Break

Or lack thereof. Welcome to the real world, even when you work at a school.

But...best wishes to K, Troy, and the whole CA blogger crew for a wonderful time together!

Feed Reader Survey

A few months ago I started experimenting with feed readers to keep track of the blogs I enjoy.

First I tried Shrook.

Now I'm using Net News Wire and overall like it better. The problem? I tried synching with a free NewsGator account online and the online version says I have tons more unread posts than I actually do, and doesn't display my flagged items. Since I like to read entries and flag for later comment, I need to see those flagged items whether I'm on my MacBook, the family iMac, my iMac at the office or another machine.

Could Google Reader be worth a try?

Readers: Comment--what feed reader do you use and why?

Weekend With Troystopher and Midwest Ben

This weekend I had the great pleasure of spending time with Troy and Ben as they visited Minneapolis for a couple of days. We had a very nice weekend together and I am confident we'll be good friends for a long time to come.

Saturday:
I met Troy at his hotel about 2 pm and we had a late lunch in one of the restaurants. We had nice conversation about such things as blogging, work, the Blogger Summit, and the fact his ears refused to pop (poor kid!).

Ben arrived and they went to dinner. While they were there, I had drinks in the hotel with family friend R, whom I have mentioned before on the blog. She had been wanting to get together to celebrate my new job, so I figured it was the perfect time. We talked about many things, including her recent change of majors, and...dating:

Me: I'm not really on the market right now.
R: What if a super hot girl came along?
Me: Umm...well...there won't ever be a hot girl for me.
R: How come?
Me: Well, I'm gay
R: Really? You're kidding!
Me: Nope

We then the standard coming out conversation that consists of "How long have you known? Have you had any relationships?" etc. She was very supportive, and when I asked if I'd freaked her out at all, she said "I used to be a fashion design major, I have tons of gay guy friends!"

Of course I asked her not to say anything to her family, since it would get back to my parents and my dad doesn't know yet, nor am I prepared for him to.

After the guys had finished dinner and R and I parted ways, we headed to a dessert bar and I had some very good cheescake before we proceeded to the local Comedy Sportz to see some improv. I had never been before, and it was pretty good...except for the fact the red team won and the three of us thought the blue team was better.

By that time we were exhausted and retired for the evening.

Sunday:
We got up late and decided to head to the Hard Rock for lunch. Man, the portions were HUGE. I think our eyes were bigger than our stomachs, as we each finished about half our meals.

Then we went to the local GameWorks that was in the same complex. It was pretty funny, I had not been to an arcade in years! We did a bunch of games, mostly driving/racing and several rounds of "Deal or No Deal." Troy tried the infamous DDR, which was pretty funny to watch...said it was a good workout.

After GameWorks, it was off to the alumni bowling event that was being hosted by the student association I worked with in college. It was fun... in a kind of funky old bowling alley that is a bit of a Mpls landmark. I had to dodge the "how do you know these guys?" question a few times, but oh well. Troy is certainly the best bowler...I forget Ben's score but I'm pretty sure I got a paltry 45, maybe it was 42. Didn't get many high fives for spares or strikes, that's for sure!

After bowling we returned to the hotel and had a drink and a snack to close out our weekend. Ben headed back to school and I crashed there to avoid the hassle of having to turn around and come back into the city this morning--worked out well, as I was able to say goodbye and hop a cab to the office the same time Troy grabbed the airport shuttle.

It was such a nice time...a great experience to be able to see that we all are in fact who we appear to be. Feels good to have seen two of the guys who have become good friends of mine through this blog in recent months and for all of us to welcome each other into our "real lives." As anyone who has met them or reads their blogs knows, these are two really fantastic guys.

So, Troystopher and Ben, thank you for a wonderful weekend! I love you guys and look forward to the next time we meet. You both rock!!

(see Troy's post for more)

New Blog--Check Him Out

I have to give props to a very special new blog. MBA Man has made the leap from LiveJournal to Blogger. Check out his new place on the web:

A Day in the Life Of

Props...

Major props to friend and fellow blogger Troystopher, who was profiled this morning on Best Gay Blogs. Check out the article:

BGB-Troy Christopher: Invitation Only

Congrats on the notoriety buddy!

A Variety of Shout Outs

To My Readers:
Have I mentioned lately how much I love you all? The connections and friendships made through this blog are absolutely incredible and invaluable to me.

Oh, and just so you know, even if I may be a latecomer with my comments sometimes it does not mean I am behind in reading...I have a routine whereby I flag everything I want to comment on in my RSS reader and go back to it later. So, while I probably read your posts every day I may not comment until several days later.

To My Buddy V. Jay:
The boy is pledging to a frat--and doing so openly. It can't be easy and takes a lot of guts. I know a couple of former fratboys who are gay but they were not out in the frat. So, go V!

To A Couple of New Bloggers:
I've had the pleasure of chatting recently with a couple of new bloggers who are out there:

Dane @ I'm Well Informed and Out
Kris @ Poetry and Stories

These guys are cool. Stop by their blogs and say hello!

And to a Blogger Returned...
Tally has returned with "You've Got a Gay" v. 2.0

Blogger Meet Up Info Site

For anyone seeking info on the blogger meet up we are planning, go to:

http://bloggersmeetup.blogspot.com

We've been pleased to hear from so many already and look forward to making contact with many more!

Blogger Meet Up 2008

TO OUR READERS:

We “gay bloggers” are an interesting group. Whether we’re semi-closeted or out and proud, from sunny California or the chillier regions of Canada, we are all connected. Whether we have been blogging three months or three years, we all seem to be part of a community. Look at any of our blogrolls and it becomes apparent there are far fewer than “six degrees of separation” at work.

Have you ever wanted to meet your blog buddies but wondered if it would ever be possible? Have you dreamed of getting people together but didn’t know how to go about it? We have too, and we have an answer!

Blogger Meet Up 2008!

We propose a gathering of bloggers to be held this summer in Chicago. It would be a chance for many of us to get together, hang out, and have fun in a casual atmosphere. We are thinking of about a 3-day get together, over a weekend in June or July.

Are you interested? Please contact one of us!

Troy of “Troystopher”
K of “I Have to Admit It”
B of “ Figuring Myself Out”
JR of “Nothing Golden Stays”

When contacting us to indicate your interest, let us know of your preferred weekends. Please email us no later than Friday, Feb. 29th so we can get dates set and look for a hotel to accommodate the group. Watch our blogs for additional information as plans progress.

We look forward to hearing from you. Lets make this a fun event!

All our Best,
B, Troy, K and JR

First Days of a New Year

I realized tonight I have not blogged in several days, again. There are stretches where I just do not feel motivated to blog and this has been another of them. Oh well, I guess it is my blog and I'm allowed to set the updating pace...thanks to you who read for putting up with my sporadic-ness.

Job Search:
There is progress on this front, as I have taken the next step. My strong prospect job, which I have told a few of you about, finally posted, I heard from my contact and I applied. Now, more waiting.

Politics:
I have been following IA and NH, but so much has been said about this by others that I won't repeat it here.

Family Weekend:
My Uncle, Aunt and cousin came up for a visit this weekend. We had a nice time chatting, playing games and etc. Unfortunately, Mom has been ill...thinks she has food poisining. She was able to visit with them a bit yesterday but Dad and I did much of the "entertaining."

A Reconnection:
Remember the reason I ditched the chats? Well, one thing I never did was take AIM Boy off of either of my buddy lists. I don't know why or what possessed me to do so, but last night I IMed him just for a lark to see if he'd respond. He did and we proceeded to have a lengthy conversation about a lot of things. I am not sure what if anything will come of it but we both seem to have an interest in rekindling a friendship.

MBA Man Meets a Blogger:
A while back when I told MBA Man about this blog, I also told him a little bit about a few of my blog friends. Well, he's been in Chicago this weekend for work and this morning had brunch with Troystopher. (I had given them each other's emails and etc.) While I'm just a smidge jealous that MBA Man met my blogger buddy before me, I have to say I think it's kind of cool that connection could be made as a result of my blog.

Shout out...
To a new blog I like: Coming to Terms With "IT"

There you have it, folks. My life in a nutshell for the first few days of 2008!

To Share or Not?

Over at DTB, Matt is considering what to tell his straight friend before he spends the night. One commenter asks why two friends would ever share a bed in 2007.

Answer: It is far more common than one might think, especially in travel situations. When I was traveling around the state for SG, it was common to have either 3 or 4 people to a hotel room. Therefore, you got used to sharing a bed.

Gay, straight or something in between...the question was never asked. It was a non-issue. It was either share the bed or sleep on the motel room floor.

In fact, I slept in the same bed with Apple Guy the night I came out to him. We didn't think twice.

So, in my humble opinion, if it's just about a place to sleep, it shouldn't be an issue.

More New Blogs

Check out a couple of new blogs on my list:

Midwest Ben- he was on hiatus for a while but started blogging again recently. We've chatted by AIM and he seems like a cool guy. And it turns out he spends most of his year at college just south of "The Cities" here in MN, so we are practically in each other's backyards.

Cooper's Corridor- I was told by Eliot that this was a must read, and I have to agree. Cooper seems like a great guy...with a huge heart. Only a few years older than me and raising 2 adopted sons as a single dad. Impressive. And he's a pretty good writer too, it seems.

How Different Do I Feel?

Erik over at Whittle et. Al asks: How different do you feel? He has a lot of the same questions and fears we all do, although I will admit that I am far more socially liberal than he when it comes to issues such as gay adoption.

One of the things my Mom asked me after the unplanned coming out was why I had not done so until now, and we talked about the social ramifications that I am oh so aware of:

• I’ll never have natural children.
• I’ll never have a legal marriage.
• I’ll be forced to confront stereotypes every day.
• I may lose friends over it.
• There are some family members that can never know, because it would kill the close relationship I hold with them.
• And more…

Why then, would any person want to come out? Many of us face major hurdles in doing so. The fact of the matter is that I have come to believe that it is necessary to do in order to live a happy and productive adult life. I believe those of us who are gay were born gay…a belief I know is not shared by everyone, even some gay people.

The only choice I have made is to quit denying it. I will never be an activist, Pride-marching gay man…it’s just not me. And not every person I come in to contact with needs to know...if they figure it out, fine but they won't be flat out told.

But I need to find some comfort in who I am as a person, and I also do not wish to be alone for the rest of my life.

As far as being different, well, I already am. Some of you have been let in to my “real” life over the last few months and if you have you know I’ve faced bigger adversities than this.

I’m a pretty resilient SOB…whatever life’s going to throw at me as a result of my sexuality, I say bring it on, I’m not letting it get me down.

How Goes It?

Over at Frozen Underwear, Steve is contemplating how honest to be when a friend asks you about your personal life. I'm having a similar debate with myself over how to respond to an email from The Advisor.

We've been in contact since I left school because I'm ultimately trying to enter the same profession. He's been very helpful and yesterday emailed me a posting he thought might interest me. I replied with a thank you, and in turn, he replied and asked "how goes it?"

Because he's a mentor and friend, I know that he asks out of more than courtesy...and cares on some level about what the answer is.

I have two options:

1) I could reply with the usual "Pretty good. Applied at x place. blah, blah, blah"

2) I could take a more honest and personal approach--let him know of the ups and downs of my current job search, as well as what's been going on personally--namely my decision to begin coming out, and the weekend developments. Recall that he is one of the people I never told but kind of wish I had.

Part of me is feeling like I want to fill him in, yet I know it is a big thing to talk about via email. Of course I don't visit my college town often--well I haven't been back yet, so doing it in person anytime soon isn't really an option.

Hmm. What to do.

What's up With the Blogosphere These Days?

I want to take a minute to address something that's been bothering me lately: the demise of some of my favorite blogs. In the years I have been a part of the blogosphere I have seen many come and go, it is a natural cycle.

Recently, though I am starting to notice people dropping their blogs (and Facebook) for reasons beyond being tired of them. I'm seeing great blogs die because the writers are becoming overwhelmed with a feeling of overexposure or are tired of assholes leaving nasty comments under the guise of "Anonymous."

It's really sad. While I am fully aware that we all have to watch ourselves online, blogs are supposed to be a medium of free expression. They are supposed to be the writer's domain. Obviously there is a line...we shouldn't be writing slanderous lies about our friends and enemies, but being authentic should be applauded.

Am I authentic? Yes. Could I be more so? Yes, such as in the sense that I could come out from behind my initial and stop using codenames for my friends...and that will come with time as the closet door opens wider.

When did openness and honesty in blogging become a bad thing?

Thank you, Troystopher for being one of those open and honest bloggers, and an all around great guy--In fact, the first "gay blogger" I really communicated with, just as I was starting FMO. To me and many others, you are more than just another blogger, you're our friend. I'm sure many of us will be in touch, but your blog will be missed.

Gaybonics

After my post about applied homo lingo, Joe posted a comment linking to one of his old posts. Read it, it's pretty funny:

Click Here

Responding to Reader Comments

Thanks to all who commented on my recent posts.

With regard to blogging about the Haloscan mistake:
I know it is possible they could click here, see that and put two and two together. I thought about taking it down, but decided against it. If they know, they know. They aren't folks I see regularly so there is not the awkwardness and paranoia you might expect.

With regard to friends breaking up:
I have been told they are still being civil to one another, which is good. When I talked to MBA Man the other day he assured me he was doing OK. I know he is quite a positive and resilient guy, so he'll land on his feet. And Joe is correct that life in general is a fragile thing.

Why I post a lot about Student Government:
Joe also mentioned that he might have been under the impression I was still a student because of my many SG references. I do indeed talk a lot about my past as a student leader on this blog, and on my other one. As I'm sure folks like Joe and V.Jay can also attest, as a college student in SG, it becomes a HUGE part of your life...as it was in mine from September of 02 when I entered my university until this May when I graduated. I met most of my close friends in SG, such as Country Girl, MBA Man, Apple Guy and Daisy Duke. And I'm still connected to a point through the state association's attempts to organize alumni. So, even though I have graduated the references continue.

Worry Not, I Am Still Here

Joe commented that I hadn't blogged in a few days. Worry not, I'm OK. And it's not midterms, since I'm not a student. There simply hasn't been much going on lately that fits on this blog.

New to sidebar:
Jonathan at Rabid Mongoose has transitioned to Degree and a Soy Latte .
Check him out.

Haloscan oops:
This morning I was commenting on some blogs that use Haloscan. I inadvertently left comments on two friends' blogs using my name but linking to THIS blog instead of my other one. Needless to say, a "HOLY SHIT!!" moment. I couldn't get rid of the comments so I left follow ups saying the auto-complete had filled in a website that wasn't mine. The auto-complete part is true.