Friday, November 2, 2007

The Thing With Country Girl

Long post ahead.

See, there is this thing with Country Girl. She wants a guy…badly. I think at 26 she already feels the clock is ticking and she will end up an old cat lady. As much as those of us around her have tried to convince her otherwise, she’s had a hard time believing it. She’s had some rough times and challenges in her life and has had some esteem issues.

As a result, she gets very attached to her friends. Which in a way is very sweet, however it is not healthy for her. A couple of years ago, she fell for her best friend, call him Enviro Boy (an environmentalist). They had become close while at our university and when he graduated she took his leaving very hard. Eventually, she did come clean about her feelings and while he did not share them they are now back in the same city and still close.

Recently, she became very infatuated with another good friend. We’ll call him Fly Boy, because he works for the local airline. They met at work...he has a second job at the place she works. She says Fly Boy would be perfect for her, except for one thing...he’s gay. And now he’s decided to move to The Cheese State to live with an on-again-off-again boyfriend. We think he’s crazy but that’s another story in and of itself. She’s having a tough time with it, she says because of the fact he’s a friend leaving and not the crush.

And of course, she admits she had the requisite crush on MBA Man when he first came on the scene, but as I have said before that was true of many people. So, we’ve now established that CG falls for gays and men who are not interested…

Well, the other day she was telling me, and MBA Man, about the security guard at work that seems to have his eye on her, and she likes him too. We told her to ask him out, and are happy for her because:
1) The guy is interested
2) The guy is “real”…she’s tried the eHarmony thing to no avail
3) It is something for her to focus on besides Fly Boy’s anticipated departure

So anyway, MBA Man and I were joking with her about going on a date with this guy. He suggested they double with him and Photo Guy. I said we ought to make it a triple…that I should have “my guy” come down and join us. See, Country Girl found the joke about me and Apple Guy to be particularly funny and brings it up whenever I mention him…since I saw him last week it’s fresh again in her mind.

Note that these were IM conversations, and were not a group chat...e.g. Country Girl didn’t know what was being said on our end. I don’t remember exact wording but here is the jist:

MBA Man: “You are sooo totally hinting to Country Girl!”
Me: What is she saying to you?
MBA: She thinks you are sweet on Apple Guy or whatever…that the whole AG thing is funny.
Me: She brings up the joke EVERY TIME I mention his name, I just play on it, is that bad?
MBA: No, I just think it is funny
MBA: Don’t tell her on IM though
Me: I won’t

Basically, we continued to talk about the whole issue of me telling Country Girl. I commented that I sometimes wish she would just ask me if indeed she does suspect it…but it is hard to know. One minute she’ll be almost implying she knows, the next she’ll be commenting on my straightness. I have indeed been dropping hints, figuring that if there is suspicion it may soften the blow when she does hear it.

One thing MBA Man and I agreed on is that it will probably freak her out that yet another person in her small close circle is gay. I just remember the shock of MBA Man’s nrews…while she is a total ally it took her some time, and a trip to her counselor, to process.

She’s a very dramatic person at times. Lots of worry, lots of tears. Telling her means being ready to handle the fallout…she will make it into a big deal. On top of that, it means her entire family will find out…her relatives all know me.

When and how to tell her is a delicate issue-- want her to know yet I do not want the drama that will follow.

This coming out thing is a bitch.


Matt-CNS said...

I sympathize, I go though those same thoughts with many of my friends.

FitnessNerd said...

This is scarily familiar to me, though it happened after I came out. My best friend at the time, was very much in love with me, and while she took the whole gay thing well, we really never addressed all that, and I probably indulged it a bit too much because it helped to throw my parent's off the scent for a while because they thought we were dating. Anyway, she was/is a big girl, and she'd always played that role in every group of friends she had. She never dated all through college, and it all came down to self-esteem or the fact that she fell for unattainable guys. A few years ago, we, as a group, began to worry about her, and we encouraged her to go online and meet people, because she really only ever went to the gay bars with us. This was a mistake because she went totally crazy with it, and after the fact I learned she was flying all over the country to meet guys, without us knowing she was even gone. After a disastrous trip to Chicago where she was supposed to meet the most recent Mr. Right, we decided we needed to have an intervention. Well, I was the point person, and I received the brunt of the drama. Our friendship was never the same. She ended up marrying the first guy who showed the faintest interest in her, and we really never hear from here now except for once or twice a year.

Long story long, this is a VERY tough line to walk. You need to be very careful or you may lose her. It is certainly separate issues her dating and your coming out. So, make sure you deal with them as such.

Sorry this is so long!

Mr. X said...

hello. i just happened to stumble across your blog last week and caught up with all the entries. i just started a new blog of my own. i just wanted to say that i enjoy reading yours and i found myself relating to some of your experiences. i'm pretty much "figuring myself out" too.

RB said...

Why not just tell her? You don't want to lead her on....cause the longer you do the greater the disappointment.

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