How Goes It?

Over at Frozen Underwear, Steve is contemplating how honest to be when a friend asks you about your personal life. I'm having a similar debate with myself over how to respond to an email from The Advisor.

We've been in contact since I left school because I'm ultimately trying to enter the same profession. He's been very helpful and yesterday emailed me a posting he thought might interest me. I replied with a thank you, and in turn, he replied and asked "how goes it?"

Because he's a mentor and friend, I know that he asks out of more than courtesy...and cares on some level about what the answer is.

I have two options:

1) I could reply with the usual "Pretty good. Applied at x place. blah, blah, blah"

2) I could take a more honest and personal approach--let him know of the ups and downs of my current job search, as well as what's been going on personally--namely my decision to begin coming out, and the weekend developments. Recall that he is one of the people I never told but kind of wish I had.

Part of me is feeling like I want to fill him in, yet I know it is a big thing to talk about via email. Of course I don't visit my college town often--well I haven't been back yet, so doing it in person anytime soon isn't really an option.

Hmm. What to do.

What's up With the Blogosphere These Days?

I want to take a minute to address something that's been bothering me lately: the demise of some of my favorite blogs. In the years I have been a part of the blogosphere I have seen many come and go, it is a natural cycle.

Recently, though I am starting to notice people dropping their blogs (and Facebook) for reasons beyond being tired of them. I'm seeing great blogs die because the writers are becoming overwhelmed with a feeling of overexposure or are tired of assholes leaving nasty comments under the guise of "Anonymous."

It's really sad. While I am fully aware that we all have to watch ourselves online, blogs are supposed to be a medium of free expression. They are supposed to be the writer's domain. Obviously there is a line...we shouldn't be writing slanderous lies about our friends and enemies, but being authentic should be applauded.

Am I authentic? Yes. Could I be more so? Yes, such as in the sense that I could come out from behind my initial and stop using codenames for my friends...and that will come with time as the closet door opens wider.

When did openness and honesty in blogging become a bad thing?

Thank you, Troystopher for being one of those open and honest bloggers, and an all around great guy--In fact, the first "gay blogger" I really communicated with, just as I was starting FMO. To me and many others, you are more than just another blogger, you're our friend. I'm sure many of us will be in touch, but your blog will be missed.

What a Cool Bumper Sticker

"Hatred is not a family value"

Damn right it's not.

via Anonyboy

Gaybonics

After my post about applied homo lingo, Joe posted a comment linking to one of his old posts. Read it, it's pretty funny:

Click Here

Homo Lingo Applied

Not long ago, I posted about "homo lingo"

Last night, I got my first taste of it when I heard Fly Boy call me a bitch. I don't know what was being discussed at that moment, but I stopped in my tracks:

Me: Fly Boy, did you just call me a bitch?

Fly Boy: Yeah, I can do that since you're one of us now.

A Little More About Last Night

I have been thinking a lot about what happened last night, specifically with telling my mom. I had not intended on telling either parent for a while...probably not until I had moved out and was a little more stable. It would just have been easier that way, I figured...and less of a risk.

So, why do it on the spur of the moment like that?

-It shouldn't be that big of a deal-it is what it is.
-She asked point blank, and I am not a good liar.
-Despite saying she had no idea, I can't imagine she'd have brought it up had she not wondered, at least a little.

In the end, I think everything will be fine. There hasn't been any awkwardness between us in the "aftermath" and I don't think there will be.

I think the funniest part was her wondering why, if I had been gay all along, I was so surprised when MBA Man first came out. I told her that just because I'm gay doesn't mean my gaydar is any good.

I'm finding that as hard as I try to "plan" my coming outs, it just kind of happens. Maybe that's for the best, and a sign that I am becoming more comfortable with all this.

All I Can Say: HOLY SHIT!

Tonight I had dinner with MBA Man, Country Girl, Fly Boy, and friends of MBA Man and Fly Boy. I had told MBA Man about a week ago that I was probably going to use the opportunity to come out to Country Girl.

Most of the dinner conversation was typical. We laughed and joked and partook in usual meal banter. We had a conversation about how much I hate text messenging on my phone, so the others sent a few in jest.

Toward the end of the meal, Fly Boy's friend brought up the fact that I was the only straight man at the table. I then asked why he assumed that, and when Country Girl gave me a confused look and didn't quite pick up on the "You realized what I just admitted, don't you" , I looked at her and whispered "I'm not straight" which was followed by a shocked look from her.

At that point all the guys at the table decided it was time for another drink and headed down to another restaurant in the mall. I talked to CG for a few more minutes and basically explained the short version of how I had gotten to this point. I asked her to stay mum on the subject but did say she could talk to her mom about it.

So we went down to the other restaurant and had a couple more drinks. The guys teased me a bit about being "one of them now". CG was pretty quiet...I think she was trying to let it sink in, but she has assured me she's OK with it. We all hugged as we were leaving, and Fly Boy made me promise to go out with them afterwards next time...they all headed to the bars but I could not since Mom was shopping in the mall and had done so in order to be my ride home after my dinner.

I expected that to be the end of my coming out for the night...

In the car, Mom and I had a conversation. It went something like this:

Mom: So who was at Dinner?

Me: MBA Man, Country Girl, Fly Boy, MBA Man's Coworker, Fly Boy's Coworker

Mom: So how is everyone?

Me: (Fill her in)

Mom: So does Fly Boy's Coworker date girls or guys? (He was new to the group)

Me: He's gay

Mom: Oh. A lot of your friends seem to be. Is Country Girl?

Me: No, she's interested in a guy at work.

Mom: Are YOU gay?

At this point I there was a pause while I decided whether to lie or not...

Me: Am I GAY? Are you seriously asking me that? Why on earth would you ask me that?

Mom: Well are you?

Me: What do you think?

Mom: Probably not.

Me: If you really want an answer, I will give one. You're wrong. The answer is yes.

Mom: Yes what?

Me: Yes, I'm gay.

Basically I spent the rest of our short ride home trying to explain how long I'd known and asking if she'd ever had any inkling. She really didn't...but we were both very matter of fact. I told her I understood if she didn't agree, but that it is what it is.

All in all, she seemed very understanding. I asked that she not say anything to Dad for now, because he may not take it so well, and I am living under their roof after all.

It was TOTALLY unplanned and I'm kinda freaked that I actually did it. I mean, holy frickin shit I am out to my mother!

Definitely a night I will not soon forget.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Turkey Day!
Eat lots, have fun, be safe!

Funny Videos

I saw these video clips posted on Closet NS yesterday. They appear to be clips from an MTV show. Like Matt, I could not help but laugh. Watch both parts:





I mean, come on? Who comes out and has two guys after him that fast. In the end of course he makes the right choice

New ATWT Interview

Check out the latest interview from AfterElton:

Click Here

Responding to Reader Comments

Thanks to all who commented on my recent posts.

With regard to blogging about the Haloscan mistake:
I know it is possible they could click here, see that and put two and two together. I thought about taking it down, but decided against it. If they know, they know. They aren't folks I see regularly so there is not the awkwardness and paranoia you might expect.

With regard to friends breaking up:
I have been told they are still being civil to one another, which is good. When I talked to MBA Man the other day he assured me he was doing OK. I know he is quite a positive and resilient guy, so he'll land on his feet. And Joe is correct that life in general is a fragile thing.

Why I post a lot about Student Government:
Joe also mentioned that he might have been under the impression I was still a student because of my many SG references. I do indeed talk a lot about my past as a student leader on this blog, and on my other one. As I'm sure folks like Joe and V.Jay can also attest, as a college student in SG, it becomes a HUGE part of your life...as it was in mine from September of 02 when I entered my university until this May when I graduated. I met most of my close friends in SG, such as Country Girl, MBA Man, Apple Guy and Daisy Duke. And I'm still connected to a point through the state association's attempts to organize alumni. So, even though I have graduated the references continue.

A Sad Turn of Events

A bit of unfortunate news to report in my world.

MBA Man and Photo Guy are no longer a couple. I won't go into details here because it's not my life or my business. Suffice it to say that several weeks of ups and downs culminated in a breakup. As their friend it saddens me that it ended as it did after three years, but it must be what's best for both of them.

Relationships are fragile things, aren't they?

Worry Not, I Am Still Here

Joe commented that I hadn't blogged in a few days. Worry not, I'm OK. And it's not midterms, since I'm not a student. There simply hasn't been much going on lately that fits on this blog.

New to sidebar:
Jonathan at Rabid Mongoose has transitioned to Degree and a Soy Latte .
Check him out.

Haloscan oops:
This morning I was commenting on some blogs that use Haloscan. I inadvertently left comments on two friends' blogs using my name but linking to THIS blog instead of my other one. Needless to say, a "HOLY SHIT!!" moment. I couldn't get rid of the comments so I left follow ups saying the auto-complete had filled in a website that wasn't mine. The auto-complete part is true.

Clarification...

Based on a couple of comments on my post entitled "The Thing With Country Girl", it appears some out there think she might be interested in me.

Just to clear that up: NO

We have never been and will never be more than friends. Even if I was straight, she's not attracted to me...I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So, no one is leading anyone on, unless not having told her I'm gay qualifies.

Paranoia

So yeah...I think I am paranoid. Probably, as one comment stated, it just goes with being closeted. Suffice it to say the reader discussed in the post about my blog worlds colliding has never seen my other blog and it is a non-issue.

New on FMO...

I wanted to showcase a couple of blogs new to my sidebar:

Overnight in NY

The Search

A Gay Athlete's Life

Opening the Closet

Are My Two Blog Worlds In Danger of Colliding?

This morning I was reading a post from one of the many blogs on my sidebar and I noticed something strange. There was text within the post that looked as if it had been taken from an entry on my main blog.

The bloggers in question read this blog but I had no idea they had seen my other blog. Now, this is the internet and for all I know they could have Googled a subject and found me.

It really makes me wonder how many people are aware of both my blogs, and whether or not they have made the connection and realize that blogger and this blogger are the same person.

The Thing With Country Girl

Long post ahead.

See, there is this thing with Country Girl. She wants a guy…badly. I think at 26 she already feels the clock is ticking and she will end up an old cat lady. As much as those of us around her have tried to convince her otherwise, she’s had a hard time believing it. She’s had some rough times and challenges in her life and has had some esteem issues.

As a result, she gets very attached to her friends. Which in a way is very sweet, however it is not healthy for her. A couple of years ago, she fell for her best friend, call him Enviro Boy (an environmentalist). They had become close while at our university and when he graduated she took his leaving very hard. Eventually, she did come clean about her feelings and while he did not share them they are now back in the same city and still close.

Recently, she became very infatuated with another good friend. We’ll call him Fly Boy, because he works for the local airline. They met at work...he has a second job at the place she works. She says Fly Boy would be perfect for her, except for one thing...he’s gay. And now he’s decided to move to The Cheese State to live with an on-again-off-again boyfriend. We think he’s crazy but that’s another story in and of itself. She’s having a tough time with it, she says because of the fact he’s a friend leaving and not the crush.

And of course, she admits she had the requisite crush on MBA Man when he first came on the scene, but as I have said before that was true of many people. So, we’ve now established that CG falls for gays and men who are not interested…

Well, the other day she was telling me, and MBA Man, about the security guard at work that seems to have his eye on her, and she likes him too. We told her to ask him out, and are happy for her because:
1) The guy is interested
2) The guy is “real”…she’s tried the eHarmony thing to no avail
3) It is something for her to focus on besides Fly Boy’s anticipated departure

So anyway, MBA Man and I were joking with her about going on a date with this guy. He suggested they double with him and Photo Guy. I said we ought to make it a triple…that I should have “my guy” come down and join us. See, Country Girl found the joke about me and Apple Guy to be particularly funny and brings it up whenever I mention him…since I saw him last week it’s fresh again in her mind.


Note that these were IM conversations, and were not a group chat...e.g. Country Girl didn’t know what was being said on our end. I don’t remember exact wording but here is the jist:

MBA Man: “You are sooo totally hinting to Country Girl!”
Me: What is she saying to you?
MBA: She thinks you are sweet on Apple Guy or whatever…that the whole AG thing is funny.
Me: She brings up the joke EVERY TIME I mention his name, I just play on it, is that bad?
MBA: No, I just think it is funny
MBA: Don’t tell her on IM though
Me: I won’t

Basically, we continued to talk about the whole issue of me telling Country Girl. I commented that I sometimes wish she would just ask me if indeed she does suspect it…but it is hard to know. One minute she’ll be almost implying she knows, the next she’ll be commenting on my straightness. I have indeed been dropping hints, figuring that if there is suspicion it may soften the blow when she does hear it.

One thing MBA Man and I agreed on is that it will probably freak her out that yet another person in her small close circle is gay. I just remember the shock of MBA Man’s nrews…while she is a total ally it took her some time, and a trip to her counselor, to process.

She’s a very dramatic person at times. Lots of worry, lots of tears. Telling her means being ready to handle the fallout…she will make it into a big deal. On top of that, it means her entire family will find out…her relatives all know me.

When and how to tell her is a delicate issue-- want her to know yet I do not want the drama that will follow.

This coming out thing is a bitch.

I Am Me

Troystopher provides an insightful response to my "Are You Gay?" post. I certainly agree with the point that I do not want it to define who I am...it is only a small part of the whole of me. Yep, I have realized I am gay, but more importantly I AM ME.

Side note: I am honored to be referred to as one of his favorite blogs.

In other news, I had conversations last night with both Country Girl and MBA Man. Sounds like CG may have her eyes on a Country Boy, and the problems I mentioned a couple of weeks ago have been resolved for MBA Man, which is great.