Bye Bye 2007

Not my worst year, but not my best either. Took major steps in coming out, but that has been both a happy and scary experience. There have been many moments of stress in my life this year. Overall, I will be glad for the renewal that 2008 will bring.

To Share or Not?

Over at DTB, Matt is considering what to tell his straight friend before he spends the night. One commenter asks why two friends would ever share a bed in 2007.

Answer: It is far more common than one might think, especially in travel situations. When I was traveling around the state for SG, it was common to have either 3 or 4 people to a hotel room. Therefore, you got used to sharing a bed.

Gay, straight or something in between...the question was never asked. It was a non-issue. It was either share the bed or sleep on the motel room floor.

In fact, I slept in the same bed with Apple Guy the night I came out to him. We didn't think twice.

So, in my humble opinion, if it's just about a place to sleep, it shouldn't be an issue.

B's Christmas Weekend 2007

I had a nice, relaxing, somewhat low key Christmas weekend.

Saturday: Did my shopping while Mom went to the grocery store. Was quite aggravated by it. Note to self: Stick to the SuperTarget near home. Going to other Targets that are arranged differently is confusing.

Sunday: Helped clean and bake cookies, watched movies.

Monday: Lazy morning for me. Mom finished baking. Dad was working and so was my sister, so Mom and I went to an open house some friends were having. Dad cooked the traditional steak dinner, although the meat was poor this time...we will not be getting steaks from that grocery store for a while! Waited up for sister to get home and went to bed.

Tuesday: Was up around 10:3o and we sat and watched TV for awhile. Sister was not feeling well but we woke her up long enough to open gifts about 2 pm...probably the latest Christmas "morning" I can remember. Made the usual calls to relatives. Mom, Dad and I went to see family friends for Christmas dinner, which was a very nice time. Upon arriving back home, met Sister's new boyfriend who had come over.

What I Got:

"Bad President" page a day calendar that counts down Bush's days in office.
A new all-in-one printer/copier/scanner to replace my aging printer that sounds as if it could die any time.
A black cashmere overcoat...I had commented recently that my other winter jackets are not really appropriate to wear when I am dressed up for interviews, weddings, or whatever.
A scarf to go with the coat.
A new pair of slippers.
A deodorant/cologne gift set
Some stationery items since I enjoy sending people notes from time to time.
Some Reese's candy

All nice things that will prove useful to me.

A Merry Christmas indeed.

Merry Christmas

Hope everyone out there has a WONDERFUL holiday filled with good cheer, family, friends and loved ones.

We Have to Think About It

Another good YouTube video.

Dispelling Stereotypes-The B Edition

After watching the video below, you may be curious to learn a little more about me. Because like the person in it, I don't fit most gay stereotypes either.

Some things about B that you may or may not know:

• I enjoy the outdoors
• I like Housewives, Brothers and Sisters etc. but also love shows like The Office and Damages.
• QAF is great, but I don't think it's how 99 percent of people behave.
• I am not obsessed with Cher or Barbara
• I am not "domestic" in any sense of the word (cooking, baking,etc.)
• I don't have an eye for fashion and there is scarcely a designer label in my closet
• I am not obsessed with musical theatre
• I do not automatically know who's gay or not--my gaydar sucks
  

Just because I am gay doesn't mean I fit all stereotypes. Conversely, not fitting stereotypes doesn't make one "less gay" and a switch does not flip upon coming out that makes you fit the mold.

Dispelling Stereotypes

Found this video on YouTube the other day and I like it.



Don't be a part of being gay, let being gay be a part of you.
-Jake

More New Blogs

Check out a couple of new blogs on my list:

Midwest Ben- he was on hiatus for a while but started blogging again recently. We've chatted by AIM and he seems like a cool guy. And it turns out he spends most of his year at college just south of "The Cities" here in MN, so we are practically in each other's backyards.

Cooper's Corridor- I was told by Eliot that this was a must read, and I have to agree. Cooper seems like a great guy...with a huge heart. Only a few years older than me and raising 2 adopted sons as a single dad. Impressive. And he's a pretty good writer too, it seems.

How Different Do I Feel?

Erik over at Whittle et. Al asks: How different do you feel? He has a lot of the same questions and fears we all do, although I will admit that I am far more socially liberal than he when it comes to issues such as gay adoption.

One of the things my Mom asked me after the unplanned coming out was why I had not done so until now, and we talked about the social ramifications that I am oh so aware of:

• I’ll never have natural children.
• I’ll never have a legal marriage.
• I’ll be forced to confront stereotypes every day.
• I may lose friends over it.
• There are some family members that can never know, because it would kill the close relationship I hold with them.
• And more…

Why then, would any person want to come out? Many of us face major hurdles in doing so. The fact of the matter is that I have come to believe that it is necessary to do in order to live a happy and productive adult life. I believe those of us who are gay were born gay…a belief I know is not shared by everyone, even some gay people.

The only choice I have made is to quit denying it. I will never be an activist, Pride-marching gay man…it’s just not me. And not every person I come in to contact with needs to know...if they figure it out, fine but they won't be flat out told.

But I need to find some comfort in who I am as a person, and I also do not wish to be alone for the rest of my life.

As far as being different, well, I already am. Some of you have been let in to my “real” life over the last few months and if you have you know I’ve faced bigger adversities than this.

I’m a pretty resilient SOB…whatever life’s going to throw at me as a result of my sexuality, I say bring it on, I’m not letting it get me down.

Funny

Check out these video posts from a while back on Overnight NY:

Iowa Republicans

Iowa's Benjamin Johnson, Fabulous

LOL.

Been meaning to post these for some time. Gotta play a little catch up with posting!

Answering "How Goes It?"

About a week ago, before my semi-hiatus, I posted about the debate I was having about how to answer the "How Goes It?" question with regard to The Advisor.

Several days ago, I emailed him, and chose to go with option two. I was honest about how things were going. In the closing paragraphs of the email, I wrote:

"There is one other thing I want to share with you that sort of relates to living happily, at least as far as I am concerned. Over the past several months as I have struggled with pending and post graduation anxiety, employment worries, grad school worries and the like, I have thought a lot about who I am and who I want to be as a happy and productive adult. It is, as we talked about back in the Spring, something every person goes through.

However, there is one thing I did not tell you then that I know you will relate to very much is that I have begun to acknowledge that I too, am a gay man. I’m choosing to share this with you because I want you to know how much I respect you for having the courage to live your life openly and I hope that in time, as I enter what you’ve termed an accepting and affirming profession in [...] that I will be able to do the same. "

Why tell you now? Because the final car on my post holiday roller coaster was being asked point blank by my mother, after having dinner with a group of mostly gay friends if I was as well, and telling the truth. She reacted positively, although Dad may be a tougher cookie to crack so I’m waiting a little while on that one. My dinner companions know/knew, as do [Apple Guy] and [Daisy Duke]. In fact, [Apple Guy] was the one who unwittingly broke the camel’s back with a comment about my need to “get in touch with myself” during the trip to [event]…so in a way I owe him a debt of gratitude as well..."

I hadn't heard anything from him, and as he is usually quick to respond, thought perhaps I'd shocked him to speechlessness. This afternoon, I got a message from him...he apologized for the delayed response...apparently he's recovering from a hospital stay. He wrote, in part:

"Appreciated taking me into your confidence when you came out. Certainly will provide new conversations for us. I hope that you've found/are finding supportive folks.

More when I'm back to campus."

It feels good to know that another person I trust and respect knows about this aspect of my life.

Pardon the Lackluster Posting This Week...

I know I have been slacking on both posting and reading and commenting. I've had a stressful couple of weeks in general since Thanksgiving. Added to that, a friend and colleague from my days in state-level student gov't passed away last week. It was sudden, unexpected and hit all who knew him pretty hard. So, I've spent a lot of my time the last few days communicating with friends, reading tributes on Facebook and other blogs, etc.

But I'm back now. Watch for me.